Friday, April 13

love-hate relationship with life

i enjoy reading other people's writings, be it blogs or even just comments and status updates on facebook.

but every so often (and more often than i care to admit, except of course to you, dear reader), i find myself feeling the familiar pull of anxiety in my heart and gut. my fingers wend their way to my mouth (oh hateful sign of stress) and i begin to compare myself as a mother, as a musician, as a wife to those i read about.

someone once made the point that facebook (and i'll add blogs too) can erroneously make a person out to be more happy, and their life to be more put together and perfect, than reality would show them to be. i know this is true, but i still have a hard time sometimes feeling like others are doing it better than i am.

sigh. i know better than to journey down this wretched rabbit hole of self-doubt.

but i want to be more passionate about where i am right now.

i want to want to be a better wife and mother.

i want to want to make my home a more loving, creative, fun, inspired environment for my hubbs and kids.

i want to want to be more holy tomorrow than i am today.

i want to stop caring about what others think, about what others are accomplishing, and instead focus on what i am doing right now and how i could be doing it better.

because, really, all that matters is this moment and how i choose to live in it.

others will have their own strengths and weaknesses, their own crosses that are not advertized on facebook or blog. i too have my victories and failures that sometimes i share and sometimes i tuck away in my heart.

i am a good mother. i love my children and i love my husband. sure i can be better. that's what tomorrow was made for.

Lord, help me to look to others for inspiration, not comparison. help me love those i meet and not envy their gifts, accomplishments, or talents.

help me become the best version of myself - to see myself as you see me - fulfilled and happy.

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