menopause, empty nest, and midlife crises

No, the title of this blog post (thank Jesus) does not refer to me. It refers to the book I just finished reading: The Hunchback of Neiman Marcus by Sonja Sones.

A bit of background: I have a curious method for selecting the occasional new release novel from my library. I peruse the selections available and, contrary to common wisdom, I judge the books by their cover. I look for the cover that leaps off the shelf, provoking my curiosity to delve within the pages. I look for a cover that is unique, provocative, and eye-catching. And that is the book that comes home with me.

On my last visit to the library, Sonja Sones's work came home with me. And it was intriguing, most notably because it chronicles a stage in life that is rather opposite to the one I currently inhabit.

It tells the story of a woman who is a poet, is enduring the full wrath of menopause, is suffering the suspicion of her husband's possible infidelity, and is coming to terms with the concept of an empty nest, as her only daughter prepares to leave home for college.

The thing that grabbed me at first glance, however, is the fact that this novel is written entirely in verse. Now, it's not your average "Roses are red, violets are blue" variety of poetry. It's lovely lyrical rhythm and, let's be honest, who doesn't love the SHORT chapters of a poetry book?

I almost returned Hunchback after noticing that it was in verse. I'm so glad I didn't. It's a thought-provoking read, especially for those of us women who are just getting married and beginning to form our families. It gives us a perspective from the future. The author captures this perfectly in the following image: An older woman recalls being a young mother, playing with her daughter at the park and watching the ducks along the lake, noticing the older grandmas. Now, she herself is the older woman, wistfully longing for her youthful energy and for her daughter to be small again.

As a young mother, I am thankful for the reminder to enjoy my little boy. We sometimes can miss the current stage of life in wistfully wishing either for the future to arrive faster, or for the past to return. The only day we have for certain is the present day. Instead of wishing my boy was a baby again, or longing for the day he is potty-trained, obedient at first command, or eager to eat all types of foods, I need to cherish the level he's at right now. Otherwise, I'll miss it entirely. And these are days, mommies, that we never get back. Your child will never be just like he or she is right now ever again.

Cherish your kiddo. Hold him or her close and love them just as they are.
Love yourself, and be forgiving. You are what you have to work with. Baby steps to perfection, always counting on the Lord's mercy and grace.

And above all, be grateful. You never realize the full extent of the blessings you have until they are gone.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Ink and Pages

""Someone once said that reading is a dress rehearsal for life. Through a well-crafted story we experience the good, the bad, and the ugly without any of the consequences. We get to learn from others' mistakes."

 I read this quote on one of the blogs I currently follow: Steady Mom. It got me to thinking about the beauty of reading-the exciting journeys and adventures it inspires- and the incredible power of the imagination.

I am an avid reader... at least I used to be, before life happened and my son was born.
Now if I get 30 minutes of reading in, it's a fabulous day for "me" time.

Don't get me wrong, I relish every second spent with my little guy. But on those lovely days when he sleeps for three hours and I get the opportunity to delve back into reading, I am reminded of how very much I enjoy this activity and how grateful I am that my mother so strongly encouraged me to read. She opened up the world to me, and I intend to do that for my children. No endless hours in front of a TV for them! (A strong proclamation considering the only child I have right now is a 10-month old...)

I just finished two books that when juxtaposed reveal such interesting truths about love, relationships, and the appearance of perfection. The first, Perfect Life by Jessica Shattuck, is an examination of the friendships and relationships experienced by a group of college friends some years after graduation.

The second, Recipes For A Perfect Marriage by Morag Prunty gives a portrayal of two marriages, that of a woman living in New York, and that of her grandmother in Ireland.

Both books, while the former is secular to the core and the latter full of spiritual wisdom, illustrate the principle of illusion: all that glitters is not gold, and what can appear to be a perfect relationship can be anything but. 

I often look at other people's relationships and wonder how they make it look so easy. I look at my own relationship, and sometimes miss the good in worrying about the difficult (but only sometimes: there's so much to be grateful for).

It's amazing how many times we can focus on the perfect, this illusive ideal that somehow manages to become the standard. I know in my head that perfect is impossible to accomplish. But my heart longs to be perfect, to have it all together, to be "that mother, that wife, that woman" that other women want to be more like. 

Sometimes I look at other women, and I want to be like them. I think to myself, "Man, she's got it so easy. Her kids ..., her husband ..., whereas my son ... and my husband ..." Or I could covet someone else's financial security, someone else's house, someone else's good fortune...

But that's where reading such books as Perfect Life and Recipes comes in handy. All that glitters is not gold. I may have my own crosses to bear, but I have no idea what someone else's challenges may be. We must be careful what we wish for. What appears to be perfect often times is anything but.

Many times, we can present a front of perfection to the world as a wall behind which to hide the reality of our problems and trials. If we could just appear to have it all together, maybe then everything would simply be okay.

I am so grateful for all that I have. I have a wonderful music ministry, which God continues to expand in His will and time. I have a beautiful marriage, which is not perfect, which is continuing to blossom, and which brings me joy unlike anything else. I have a wonderful son who teaches me unceasingly and calls me daily to sainthood. I have so many blessings. So what if life is still hard sometimes? The challenges keep me from complacency and stagnancy, keep me reaching to Jesus for the strength and grace to persevere.

Little by little, I'll learn from my own mistakes. I'll take what I can from other's mistakes. I'll keep moving forward, keep living life. Lord, keep my eyes focused on You, rather than on those around me. You alone are perfect, and can bring me to perfection. And that is good enough for me.