Tuesday, April 16

weakness for a good romance

i have a confession to make:

i have a weakness for a good, steamy romance, and i am quite aware of the fluffiness of this weakness.
sometimes a mama just needs something fluffy. she puts her feet up, chills for a minute with a delicious mug or glass of something, and enjoys a moment of quiet with a tasty novel. it may only last a moment, but it's enough to fortify her for the next portion of the day.

it's amazing what a few minutes of alone time can bolster you to endure.

so one of my fluffy weaknesses (in the good company of pop tarts and the occasional gossip magazine) is a good romance novel.

but lest you judge me too fervently, i must add that i do at least try to inject some modicum (hah - see what i did there? injected a fancy-schmancy vocab word to regain your trust and admiration ^_^) of redeeming value into my novels by only reading crime fiction thriller romance. the romance is prevalent and steamy, but it is surrounded by a gauze of detective mystery and suspense that makes me feel i'm not just reading smarm.

but occasionally the Lord will inject Himself into my weakness, even into my fluffy crime thriller romances. i love that He uses all means available to Him to break into my daily doings and grab my attention.

in this one particular series--as is wont in many series-- the man is utterly enthralled with the woman. people, he wants her, the totality of her. he is 100% committed, emotionally engaged, charming and witty, unafraid to protect what's his: basically he is the rich, handsome, total package.

she on the other hand is somewhat unable to accept the totality of his devotion-- she questions, she doubts whether this is what she wants, she fears, she challenges his love.

and i, the reader, shout at her (metaphorically, of course -- thou shalt not shout during precious naptime quiet): "what more could you possibly want, foolish woman?!?!?! the epitome of manly perfection wants YOU!!!!!!"

and watch, here is where the Lord rocks my world a little.

this, ladies and gentlemen. this is how He wants us.
this is how He loves us.

perfectly. totally. unconditionally. passionately. full and undeniable agape.

and the angels in heaven bear witness to our ridiculous chasing after other things that don't matter and won't fulfill or make us happy. they watch as we doubt, as we question, as we fear and challenge.

and they echo that shout back to us (literally this time, because they don't have to worry about naptime, being that they exist in perfect eternal bliss): "DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT GIFT YOU HAVE?!?!?! HE WANTS YOU!!!!"

this, dear readers. this is the greatest love story. the story of how our God adores every little weak bit of us. He adores the part that falls apart a little in doubt. He adores the part that struggles to keep head above water. He adores the part that makes foolish mistakes in the effort to do what is right.

He simply and unequivocally adores us. He created us, bled for us, died for us, because He simply and fully adores us. no questions asked, no strings attached, except the vulnerable request that we love Him back.

and He stands waiting for our response, as He waited for Peter's response: "do you love Me?"

and if we are unable to love with agape (full, total, unconditional love), He is content to accept our filio love (the love of a brother), which is not quite what He desires, but is what He will accept until we are able to give all.

and He promises he will accept us as we are, invite us into a relationship that will take us deeper, and wait patiently for us as we stumble clumsily towards His open heart.

because He cannot help but love us. 
and we cannot hope to exist without that love. 

Tuesday, April 9

why hello there.

she lives!

yes, hello dear reader. i have emerged--and what better time to emerge than alongside the tulips, the baby birds, and our blessed Lord in this Easter season.

it will be a slow start and a tentative journey back into blogging. but i have missed it. it's been too long, and therefore the obvious solution is simply to start anew. 

so much has happened since last i set finger to keyboard (so not as romantic as pen to paper, but we do what we can). i am 23 weeks pregnant with number 3 (gasp, Gasp, GASP!) - and boy is it still challenging some days to wrap my head around that fact. much food for ponderation in there, about accepting God's will, making the conscious choice not to rebel, seeking peace, and it goes on. 

my music ministry abounds--but with some changes: less of my original stuff this year, and more straight up performances and expanding my church base. twill be interesting to see where the Lord takes this. i'm just thankful that for the current time, i've been able to do both motherhood and music with slim-to-none juggling (thank you Jonathan, world's best, most patient, and most supportive hubby). 

lucky to be in love with him.

my two boys are thriving, both because of and in spite of myself. i am growing as a mama, and am delighted to see that our family has settled nicely into the flow of having two underfoot. 

matthew at nearly 4 is a super champ of energy, enthusiasm, and excitement. the kid has been in school this past year, is loving the thought of the "new baby in mama's belly," and introduces himself to everyone by announcing, "hi new best friend! let's play!" oh to be young and vigorous and accepting of all once again. 

happy easter from us to you!

daniel, no longer the one and only baby, is 14 months, climbing everything, running everywhere, and causing mayhem to ensue all around him. the little one is a blast. he is full of sweet and slobbery baby kisses, joyful belly laughs, and just about adores his big brother to pieces. he loves his mama alright, too. 

i will leave you with this one meditation from this past sunday, which was one of my absolute favorite kickass feasts of the Church, Divine Mercy Sunday. i mean, how much more incredible a feast can we celebrate a week after remembering the absolute and perfect love of our Lord on the cross, than a celebration of his total and complete mercy, compassion, and welcoming? awesome. 
while at mass, while shuddering under the shame of my two boys' misbehavior and quivering under the supposed judgment i imagined was being flung in our direction, the priest let loose a cannonball upon my heart: do not be locked up in fear any longer. come out and bask in the love and freedom the Lord offers. do not be like the disciples huddled up in the upper room, anxiously awaiting their doom. be free and be at peace. know the Lord is risen. know he is pure and total love, total authority, total freedom. embrace it, embrace him, embrace his will, and experience life as he intended it to be: 


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