Thursday, September 24

Peace Surpassing Understanding

I love a good thunderstorm. It helps put things in perspective. No matter how crazy or stressful things may seem in my life, watching a thunderstorm reminds me of the awesome power of God. No matter how out of my control things are, they are never out of His, and He has the power to protect and provide.

Thank goodness, because sometimes I feel so... small. So like a little girl. What? I'm 24? I have to do grown-up things and deal with grown-up problems? Can't someone else just take care of me?

Then I have the added bonus of being by nature a person who gets stressed out easily... actually scratch that. Getting stressed out is contrary to our being, which was designed to rest peacefully in the hands of God. It's part of my sinful nature that I experience stress instead of trusting fully that God will provide in abundance.

Yet another way I can learn from my little boy. He doesn't worry about anything. He looks at me with nothing but peace in his eyes, trusting that, even though it may take me a second or two, I will be there when he needs me. I will provide for his every desire. I will take care of him. Of course I will... I'm Mommy, and we all know that Mommies can do everything, right?

I wish I had that same peace, that same confidence in being provided for. Even though Almighty God has given me a promise to be there, to know my needs before I even do, to provide for them without exception, I still worry. I get this feeling of being wound up so tight, like a coil about to snap. My gut gets all twisted and I feel I'm on the edge of a collasal, collasol, collassal (WHY CAN'T I SPELL THIS WORD??!?!?) COLOSSAL explosion!

Enough about my stress. Sweet Lord, have mercy. Some days, I feel it's back to the same old struggles. I feel I've gained no ground in this fight against fear, against anxiety. If I feel I'm fighting this battle alone, then I am correct to say I've had no victory. But I do not fight alone. He fights with me. And only with His strength can I place one foot before the other and press on. He does not promise overnight victory. He does promise that we never walk alone.

I claim the peace that Christ alone brings. I claim victory in His name. I offer up my anxiety and place it upon His altar. Even if I will snatch it right back in the next second, I still offer it up now. Maybe it will take a little longer this time to take it back. Maybe little by little, I take it back slower and slower, until one day, I'll never take my anxiety back. On that glorious day, I'll be totally at peace.

Until then, baby steps. I'm humbled that He accepts my small advances towards Him. I'm humbled that my little victories in His grace are enough for today. And I pray that tomorrow, I might have a little more grace to let go, surrender, trust a little more. All I can offer is my best for today, and leave tomorrow in His hands.

P.S. There are three awesome ways I have found to combat stress besides prayer: a good jog outside on a beautiful day, a heaping tablespoon of chocolate chip cookie dough, and the love of a wonderful husband.

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1 comment:

  1. Hurray for chocolate chip cookie dough! Right on, girl!


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