weakness for a good romance

i have a confession to make:

i have a weakness for a good, steamy romance, and i am quite aware of the fluffiness of this weakness.
sometimes a mama just needs something fluffy. she puts her feet up, chills for a minute with a delicious mug or glass of something, and enjoys a moment of quiet with a tasty novel. it may only last a moment, but it's enough to fortify her for the next portion of the day.

it's amazing what a few minutes of alone time can bolster you to endure.

so one of my fluffy weaknesses (in the good company of pop tarts and the occasional gossip magazine) is a good romance novel.

but lest you judge me too fervently, i must add that i do at least try to inject some modicum (hah - see what i did there? injected a fancy-schmancy vocab word to regain your trust and admiration ^_^) of redeeming value into my novels by only reading crime fiction thriller romance. the romance is prevalent and steamy, but it is surrounded by a gauze of detective mystery and suspense that makes me feel i'm not just reading smarm.

but occasionally the Lord will inject Himself into my weakness, even into my fluffy crime thriller romances. i love that He uses all means available to Him to break into my daily doings and grab my attention.

in this one particular series--as is wont in many series-- the man is utterly enthralled with the woman. people, he wants her, the totality of her. he is 100% committed, emotionally engaged, charming and witty, unafraid to protect what's his: basically he is the rich, handsome, total package.

she on the other hand is somewhat unable to accept the totality of his devotion-- she questions, she doubts whether this is what she wants, she fears, she challenges his love.

and i, the reader, shout at her (metaphorically, of course -- thou shalt not shout during precious naptime quiet): "what more could you possibly want, foolish woman?!?!?! the epitome of manly perfection wants YOU!!!!!!"

and watch, here is where the Lord rocks my world a little.

this, ladies and gentlemen. this is how He wants us.
this is how He loves us.

perfectly. totally. unconditionally. passionately. full and undeniable agape.

and the angels in heaven bear witness to our ridiculous chasing after other things that don't matter and won't fulfill or make us happy. they watch as we doubt, as we question, as we fear and challenge.

and they echo that shout back to us (literally this time, because they don't have to worry about naptime, being that they exist in perfect eternal bliss): "DON'T YOU REALIZE WHAT GIFT YOU HAVE?!?!?! HE WANTS YOU!!!!"

this, dear readers. this is the greatest love story. the story of how our God adores every little weak bit of us. He adores the part that falls apart a little in doubt. He adores the part that struggles to keep head above water. He adores the part that makes foolish mistakes in the effort to do what is right.

He simply and unequivocally adores us. He created us, bled for us, died for us, because He simply and fully adores us. no questions asked, no strings attached, except the vulnerable request that we love Him back.

and He stands waiting for our response, as He waited for Peter's response: "do you love Me?"

and if we are unable to love with agape (full, total, unconditional love), He is content to accept our filio love (the love of a brother), which is not quite what He desires, but is what He will accept until we are able to give all.

and He promises he will accept us as we are, invite us into a relationship that will take us deeper, and wait patiently for us as we stumble clumsily towards His open heart.

because He cannot help but love us. 

and we cannot hope to exist without that love. 

when a man loves a woman

i was going through my facebook groups and deleting ones that were fad decisions or have now become irrelevant, and i discovered that i was a member of a group titled there are some things guys should always do for girls. period. 

i had completely forgotten about this group, as has inevitably happened with most of my groups on facebook, and was pleasantly surprised to re-read the manifesto there listed.

our culture has unfortunately ceased to value the gentleman and lady. i obviously don't mean in the nobility sense, but in the noble sense, in the gentle and cultured and dignified sense.

now, i don't by any means pretend to be a perfect lady. i have my bad habits to kick and manners to polish as much as the next gal. but i am trying to remain ladylike in a culture that lauds movies such as bridesmaids as "groundbreaking" and "revolutionary" for featuring women exhibiting grotesque behavior that before now has been limited to the male arena.

i would love to see a return to a more graceful interaction between the sexes, where women know their true worth and beauty, and men truly earn respect and know what it means to be masculine.

the group has the following listed as their manifesto. i will follow up this post with one enumerating the manner in which ladies ought treat their men. my personal favorites are in bold.

men, we ladies want you to be gentlemen. and we know that this means that we have to be ladies, to encourage you. we know there are things we too must change. let us all propose to be better versions of ourselves, to clean up our acts and begin to set a new example, one of grace and care and respect for one another. i for one would relish it.

The following is not a list of rules. They're suggestions to encourage guys to be gentlemen.

1. Open doors when possible - whether it be to a building or the passenger car door. the classic example that's stood the test of time.

2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him.

3. A man should tolerate the occasional chick flick, musical, opera, or ballet - whatever her preference is - *without* complaining about it.

4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep like the little girl she once was (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn't limited, to:
"You & Me" by Lifehouse
"Collide" by Howie Day
"Out Of My League" by Steven Speaks
And MOST IMPORTANTLY "Question" by the Old 97's (if you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands).
("Putty in your hands" is not meant to promote "using women" in any way. This group does not encourage guys to be polite in order to get her into bed.)

5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.

6. Find out what her favorite flower is and buy them for her randomly (regardless of the situation you might be in). A simple yet profound truth: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else. (I encourage the women to not allow a guy to "prove himself worthy" through gifts and flowers and such. Trust is a precious thing and it should take a good chunk of time before he gains it back in your heart.)

7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.

8. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.

9. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".

10. Ask her questions about herself.
11. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/etc. in a well-ironed button-up with some nice slacks.

12. PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself). (It's even more impressive if he has read the book.)

13. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children, after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you.

14. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if it's just like you danced in middle school). Also, men, sing to a lady. Even if you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one.

15. Kiss her on the forehead.

16. When she's sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is *always* a plus), make her some soup. If you can't cook, there's Campbell's soup at hand for you.

17. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).

18. Call her beautiful, because that's what she is (or gorgeous or stunning or captivating or...)
19. Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).

20. Don't be too proud to apologize.

21. It's not stalking to watch her sleep if you fall asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you're standing outside her window with night vision goggles.

22. When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.

23. If you're trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow and never rush her.

24. Guys - always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date. [if she is willing to pay now and again, don't let your "man pride" get in the way of her wanting to give back to you. she should understand money can be tight - especially when you're always buying]

25. Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible. [if she isn't always happy - and i've never met a girl who is - don't be afraid of her and don't be stupid and always, unquestioningly, blame it on PMS. be there WITH her when times are tough and she wants you there.]

26. When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic.

27. At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don't want to hear it, guys don't care about it, adults don't want to hear it, it doesn't impress employers, and you sure won't want your children or someone else's to hear it!

28. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don't always wait for her to come to you, because if that's how it always is, you're going to lose her.

29. If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load.

30. If a woman says no, let that be her final answer with maybe one question of confirmation after her first answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way after that. Don't make her give in to something she doesn't want to do.

31. Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can't be honest with her, she can't trust you, and shows you don't trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.

32. A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how bored or busy the man is. Actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain (and bring the man and woman closer together). This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.

photo credit: http://forum.kalpoint.com/all-about-love/n-a-78990-20.html

marriage is what brings us together today

we drove 30 minutes to mass yesterday at a parish that we normally do not attend, to hear a priest who proclaims the truth with utter boldness and faith.

needless to say, i was quite disappointed when we got to mass late, missed the readings, and on top of it all, the priest i was so looking forward to hearing speak was not celebrating mass.

(an aside: this is one of my favorite parts of being catholic - despite my disappointment at not having a homily by one of my favorite priests, i still received the true body and blood of Jesus at this mass, which made it an awesome mass. i am grateful and consider this fact to be truly glorious - i am not dependent on having heard a terrific homily in order to have a sublime encounter with Christ at church. that experience lies one hundred percent in my receiving of the Eucharist. but, i have to admit, a great homily does accentuate the rest of the liturgy and can leave me quite motivated to become more holy).

that segues nicely into my main point: i was pleasantly surprised, in spite of my former disappointment, that this new priest himself preached a good homily that, in spite of my wrangling with my son thoughout its entirely, managed to hit home several lovely and thought-provoking points.

my favorite was this: he spoke a little about marriage and how it is one of the greatest examples on earth of how the Lord loves us. now, no marriage is perfect, and our lord can only love us perfectly. nonetheless, a marriage striving to mirror the love of the trinity can truly grant the couple an experience of heavenly love on earth.

every spouse experiences the frequent need to sacrifice for the good of their beloved. sometimes, it's easy, because you can either see the purpose for that sacrifice or you are able to draw some satisfaction or pleasure out of it. other times, the sacrifice can seem pointless - why on earth is my beloved asking this of me? i see no reason that i should do or not do this, just so that my spouse can be happy.

but that is love - letting go of your needs or expectations, so that your spouse can be happy or satisfied. it is forever putting someone else's best good before your own. this is what we enter into when we say, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, i will honor and love you all the days of my life."

 this is how Jesus loves us: "greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. we may not be asked in our marriages to lay down our lives, but we do die to ourselves every day, sometimes every moment.

and the love becomes ever more fruitful, ever more faithful, ever more reflective of God's love, the more we imitate his agape in our marriages.

he blesses our unions and makes them holy. his sacramental grace floods husband and wife, and makes each willing sacrifice easier and more beneficial than the last. he transforms our hearts to resemble his.

only thus, can we truly love each other, when we love with Jesus' heart, a heart broken and poured out for us in the ultimate show of agape.

we should show this type of unconditional love towards every brother and sister in Christ. but he knows that we need to begin small, so he gave us our family, our husbands, our wives, our children. here, in the family, we learn to love. and then that love can flow out into the world and change it forever.

it begins with i do and ends in eternity.

From This Day Forward and TWO NEW MUSIC VIDEOS

I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

I love weddings. More than that, I love singing for weddings. I can't tell you how my heart simply exults to see a man and a woman stand before God, before family and friends, and profess to all how very much they are in love with and committed to each other.

I remember my own wedding, the excited flurry of preparation, the nervous waiting in the rear of the church, the timid glance up the aisle to meet the eye of my beloved. Ah, to live that day again and again... well, thank goodness for 2000 photographs and 8 hours of videotape to help jog my memory!

I had the blessing on Saturday past to sing for a wedding in a town not too far from my own here in Florida. The church was simply stunning. There was a gorgeous mural of Christ offering His Heart in love to the world towering over the altar.

He remains there in open invitation, beckoning all to come as they are, and leave better, stronger (to quote Glenn Beck). I fell in love all over again.

And then weeks of preparation and practice came to fruition. 20 minutes of prelude and 3 processional hymns later, the bride and groom stood before the altar of God and confessed to the world that yes, they had fallen deeply in love, enough to say "forever" to each other. Enough to profess in holy sacrament that through God's grace, they'd stand together through sickness, health, wealth, poverty, even monotony and especially child-raising (an arduous task, believe me!).

It makes my heart revel in the beauty of love, of life, of finding that person who makes your heart beat a little faster. As Emily Bronte put it, "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same." 

I have the best job in the world. I get to be there, somewhat behind the scenes, a fly on the wall observing the happiest day of your life. Sometimes I know you, sometimes I don't, but I'm always tremendously happy and excited for you to begin this wonderful new chapter, this journey of companionship, growth, and deepened love.

Sam Keene puts it aptly: "We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." Perfectly, as in through the eyes of the only Perfect One, the Lord, who alone loves us fully and without our deserving it.

We must follow His example and look at our loved one not with rose-colored glasses, but with eyes wide open, a gaze purified by love and refined by grace, able to see past the imperfection, to the beauty within (and if you're lucky, without!).

I wanted to share with you two songs (and hopefully, more as I finish editing them) from this wedding. I hope you enjoy hearing something a little different from me, namely, praise and worship songs as opposed to my originals.

Here are Blessed Be Your Name and How Great Is Our God. Click on the name to link through to my videos. Enjoy!!

To God be the glory.

A Gift? For Me?

I had an interesting conversation yesterday which, although only lasting but a minute, has left me pondering til now.

I was chatting with a woman I don't know at a mommy group event, and she was commenting on how her daughter (she was a grandmother) was married and soon to give birth to a baby, and how she herself was irritated with her son-in-law.

Being the devotee of love stories and babies that I am, naturally I was curious and conveyed my interest.

She continued to remark on how her son-in-law (foolish man that he was) did not think that he needed to give his wife a "congratulations on bearing my first offspring" present. How dare he. What is he thinking? She is going to all this trouble, and he's not going to reward her on this momentous occasion?

Needless to say, I was surprised at her vehemence. She then went on to account for the absurd (albeit sweet and sentimental) gift that he had bestowed on his wife on their wedding day. He had given her a handkerchief.

Now I must interject my own opinion here: this was not just any old handkerchief. It was delicate and fragile, a work of art (per the grandmother's scornful description), embroidered on one side with her daughter's maiden name and date of birth, and on the opposite with her married name and date of the wedding.

Swoon.

But the grandmother confided both in me, and apparently with her son-in-law as well, that in their family, jewelry was always given as a gift on momentous occasions, and in her opinion, he ought have given her a diamond (even though she had plenty).

Wow.

After my short discussion, or rather, listening session with this austere woman, I was left pondering. What is the nature of gift giving? What should go into such a practice? Are you giving a gift for yourself or really taking into mind the person receiving?

At my university, there was much discussion regarding the 5 Love Languages. They are as follows and I believe self-explanatory:

1) Physical Touch
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Acts of Service
5) Gift Giving/Receiving

I can't stress enough how important it is both to know your own love language and that of the person(s) in your life that you love, be it a significant other, friends, or family.

Your love language is how you best receive love, and in turn, the love language of your loved one is how they best receive it.

This post is dealing directly with the issue of giving gifts. Some people are good at giving gifts. Some people are good at receiving them.

I am both. I love to give gifts to people, and honestly enjoy getting things for others. I put thought into each gift, into the likes/dislikes of the person receiving, and I try to make each gift personal and meaningful.

One of the most precious gifts I've ever received was when Jonathan wrote me a song for my birthday while we were still dating. It was sappy and sentimental, and absolutely wonderful and heart-melting. I still remember all the words and hum it occasionally. It makes me smile without fail.

I have a friend who is 1000 times better than I at giving gifts, and she never ceases to amaze me, outdoing herself every time. She never expects anything in return either, and I hope that somehow, all of us are loving her the way she needs to be loved in return.

Otherwise, I can imagine it gets increasingly difficult, giving and giving without receiving anything at all in return.

So I wonder, what is it to give a gift? How much of it ought be telling other people what you want/like, as if life were a gigantic gift registry? How much of it is depending on others to care enough to discover your own love language?

Was it right that this grandmother tell her son-in-law exactly how he should gift his wife, because she knows her daughter? Should he have done a better job in getting to know her desires?

Or is there an element of self-revelation in the gift he chose to give?

I think that we have to be careful in this. There are 3 options I see:

1) You can tell people how you are best loved, and elucidate the things you most would like to receive. Then you must be patient and allow them to take it or leave it...

2) You can simply wait and allow the person to little by little discover how you are loved, trusting they have both the desire to know you at that deep level and the desire to give you what you most want.

3) You can allow the person gifting you to reveal their particular way of loving you through their particular gift. This I think is tricky, because you have to trust that the person won't be lazy or not interested in putting the effort to really love you through their gift.

But I have faith in people that love. I believe that love conquers all.

I believe that a gift from the heart has tremendous value, regardless of what it is.

Then again, diamonds are always a girl's best friends. As are shoes. And chocolate. ;)

+amdg+

A Son Comes Home

As you know, I spend my Sunday afternoon/evenings leading the music for the Teen Mass at my home parish. This is both a blessing and a challenge. Sometimes, it is difficult for me personally to enter deeply into the liturgy, as I am focused on my responsibilities.

But then God breaks into my reverie, interrupts my contemplation, and presents me with something new to consider, something that didn't jump out to me while planning the music.

Yesterday's Gospel was the story of the Prodigal son. I looked up the word "prodigal," and it literally means "to squander, to drive away" (Thanks Merriam-Webster). I have always had a tough time with this reading. I identify 100% with that older brother. He dutifully obeys and honors his father. He works hard and achieves much. He is the "perfect" son, and worse, he knows it.

Movie Critic 101 - The Broadway Melody of 1929

If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be paying tribute to the entire lineup of Best Picture winning Oscar movies, I would have chuckled nervously while giving you a weird look and thinking to myself, "Yeah right. There's no cute guys in those old flicks. Why would I ever be interested in those?"

Aruba, Jamaica, Ooh I Wanna Take Ya

While Jonathan and I were on our honeymoon, we visited the resort's piano bar a few times. We very much enjoyed the fun atmosphere and the fantastic pianist. I had the pleasure of singing "L-O-V-E" to a very spirited accompaniment, and have been waiting over a year to be able to upload the video. So here it is: "L-O-V-E" live from the piano bar of Sandals Ocho Rios in Jamaica!

Full Circle of Love - Finale of the Philosophy of Engagement Rings

The Final Installment of my Philosophy of Engagement Rings. 

I hope you've enjoyed this little essay! 

Finally, the diamond itself is fashioned with many facets. The more facets a diamond has, the greater its capacity to shine. These facets have multiple deeper meanings. They represent how in love and marriage, two lives, filled with a diversity of interests, are intimately yoked together. One does not seek identity in the beloved, but complimentarity. In marriage, two become one, united while retaining their own personhood: the one diamond has many facets.

Additionally, the facets of the diamond, linked with its original lack of color, provide insight into the cooperation of the lover and the beloved with Love Himself. The diamond, colorless of itself, receives into itself the light, and a rainbow of colors emerges forth. Likewise, two hearts joined in loving sacrament, receive into themselves the pure and fecund love of God.

Part Two: Philosophy of the Engagement Ring

Part Two of my Philosophy on Engagement Rings. 

 

Just as the man and the woman are themselves unique, and the relationship through which they find their hearts intertwined is entirely their own, so too the diamond ring is one-of-a-kind. This ring unites something of the giver and something of the wearer. 

Many times, when one admires an engagement ring, the comment is made that the ring “suits” the woman. It becomes her, symbolizes a personal and special relationship in which only she and her lover partake. Sometimes the ring is so unique, the stone is not even a traditional diamond. This matters not. The ring is a symbol of a particular love, and as such, can be any stone. However, the focus of this philosophy rests on the diamond ring. 

New Beginnings

My name is Gabriela Frei, and I am a mother.

Incredible to think that this simple sentence sums up my entire daily existence. Those of you who are mothers out there will understand entirely, and perhaps offer up an "Amen, sister." I just recently joined the ranks of mothers across the globe in May of 2009, and already my life is completely transformed. I have dreamed of being a mother since I was ten years old, and I love my son more than myself. He is everything to me. And yet, I was a person before I had my son, and am now on a quest to discover how to bring to fulfillment both entities that I now am. I am Gabriela Frei, and I am a mother.