A Gift? For Me?

I had an interesting conversation yesterday which, although only lasting but a minute, has left me pondering til now.

I was chatting with a woman I don't know at a mommy group event, and she was commenting on how her daughter (she was a grandmother) was married and soon to give birth to a baby, and how she herself was irritated with her son-in-law.

Being the devotee of love stories and babies that I am, naturally I was curious and conveyed my interest.

She continued to remark on how her son-in-law (foolish man that he was) did not think that he needed to give his wife a "congratulations on bearing my first offspring" present. How dare he. What is he thinking? She is going to all this trouble, and he's not going to reward her on this momentous occasion?

Needless to say, I was surprised at her vehemence. She then went on to account for the absurd (albeit sweet and sentimental) gift that he had bestowed on his wife on their wedding day. He had given her a handkerchief.

Now I must interject my own opinion here: this was not just any old handkerchief. It was delicate and fragile, a work of art (per the grandmother's scornful description), embroidered on one side with her daughter's maiden name and date of birth, and on the opposite with her married name and date of the wedding.

Swoon.

But the grandmother confided both in me, and apparently with her son-in-law as well, that in their family, jewelry was always given as a gift on momentous occasions, and in her opinion, he ought have given her a diamond (even though she had plenty).

Wow.

After my short discussion, or rather, listening session with this austere woman, I was left pondering. What is the nature of gift giving? What should go into such a practice? Are you giving a gift for yourself or really taking into mind the person receiving?

At my university, there was much discussion regarding the 5 Love Languages. They are as follows and I believe self-explanatory:

1) Physical Touch
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Acts of Service
5) Gift Giving/Receiving

I can't stress enough how important it is both to know your own love language and that of the person(s) in your life that you love, be it a significant other, friends, or family.

Your love language is how you best receive love, and in turn, the love language of your loved one is how they best receive it.

This post is dealing directly with the issue of giving gifts. Some people are good at giving gifts. Some people are good at receiving them.

I am both. I love to give gifts to people, and honestly enjoy getting things for others. I put thought into each gift, into the likes/dislikes of the person receiving, and I try to make each gift personal and meaningful.

One of the most precious gifts I've ever received was when Jonathan wrote me a song for my birthday while we were still dating. It was sappy and sentimental, and absolutely wonderful and heart-melting. I still remember all the words and hum it occasionally. It makes me smile without fail.

I have a friend who is 1000 times better than I at giving gifts, and she never ceases to amaze me, outdoing herself every time. She never expects anything in return either, and I hope that somehow, all of us are loving her the way she needs to be loved in return.

Otherwise, I can imagine it gets increasingly difficult, giving and giving without receiving anything at all in return.

So I wonder, what is it to give a gift? How much of it ought be telling other people what you want/like, as if life were a gigantic gift registry? How much of it is depending on others to care enough to discover your own love language?

Was it right that this grandmother tell her son-in-law exactly how he should gift his wife, because she knows her daughter? Should he have done a better job in getting to know her desires?

Or is there an element of self-revelation in the gift he chose to give?

I think that we have to be careful in this. There are 3 options I see:

1) You can tell people how you are best loved, and elucidate the things you most would like to receive. Then you must be patient and allow them to take it or leave it...

2) You can simply wait and allow the person to little by little discover how you are loved, trusting they have both the desire to know you at that deep level and the desire to give you what you most want.

3) You can allow the person gifting you to reveal their particular way of loving you through their particular gift. This I think is tricky, because you have to trust that the person won't be lazy or not interested in putting the effort to really love you through their gift.

But I have faith in people that love. I believe that love conquers all.

I believe that a gift from the heart has tremendous value, regardless of what it is.

Then again, diamonds are always a girl's best friends. As are shoes. And chocolate. ;)

+amdg+

Who Am I, Lord?

I have been meditating, really ruminating, on the Gospel reading from last Sunday. I wrote a bit on my thoughts on the question the Lord presents to us all, asking "Who do you say that I am?"

And then it struck me yesterday that the question must necessarily be reversed, that we must daily come to Jesus and say, "Lord, who do YOU say that I am?"

We cannot look to the world, to our peers, to secular media to define who we are. These means of definition will either fall radically short of the beauty and dignity we possess, or will present us with lies regarding our identities.

Jesus alone can reveal to us who we are, if we are patient and humble enough to endure the revelation. For we are all far from perfect, and must be open to seeing the truth of our weakness and shortcomings, if we would embark with the Lord on the journey of our growing in holiness. Acceptance is the first step, but only the first step of many.

I was thinking about this specifically in regards to the gifts the Lord in His infinite wisdom chooses to bestow. I have been unbelievably blessed with a gift in music. I know others who are blessed with gifts of relating well to others, of communication, of prayer, of wisdom, of knowledge... There is no end to the myriad of gifts the Lord bestows to us His warriors.

And then I fell prey to the temptation to compare myself, and I thought, Lord, I will never be able to do what she does. I will never speak like he does. I could never accomplish...

And then the Lord allowed me to realize something. Firstly, He does not create us empty-handed. Secondly, He creates us with a purpose and a mission.

He does not create us empty-handed. What an encouraging thought, especially in this time of confusion. The Lord has given each and every one of us a powerful and beautiful gift to use for His greater glory and the spreading of His name. That is not a wistful thought or a possibility, but a certainty.

The certainty of our gift results in the responsibility to come to the Lord and discern what our gift is. Then we have not the choice, but the challenge and the call to use that gift we've been generously given to do mighty works for His glory. With great power comes great responsibility.

We must never for a second doubt that we have been given a tremendous gift to be used for His glory. If you question it, you simply have not yet discovered what you have been given. As the priest from my church so succinctly put it, "Have you asked Him yet? No? Why don't you just ask?"

I don't know why I don't ask simple questions of the Lord more often. "Who are You, Lord? Who am I? What have You given me so that I might glorify You?" These simple questions produce simple answers, that in turn find a place in the magnificent tapestry of a life lived in union with the Lord.

You too have a tremendous gift waiting in your arsenal. Don't doubt that, not for a second. Let no one cause you to doubt, or to fear that you have nothing to contribute, nothing to offer. For you are fearfully, wonderfully, perfectly made. He has not created you empty-handed, but sends you into this world armed and ready for battle, prepared to give glory to His name.

Discover what is your gift, then use it without fear. Allow the Lord to guide you, and you cannot go astray.

He has not created us empty-handed. He gives us good gifts, and sends us forth to do His mighty work, to be His light to a world full of darkness.

+amdg+