Not My Will But Yours

Hello to all. 

It's been a while since I posted. I credit the encouragement of a dear friend for spurring me back to pen and paper, or really, to keyboard and screen.

Welcome back to the joyful chaos that is my life. Thanks for coming along for the ride, for the prayers and support.

Updates: 

Music

Voice of An Angel came to an unexpected, sad, and early end for me, as I did not receive enough votes to progress to the finals. I have to admit that I was shocked, and it took me a month (or two) to process.

I realized that God had other plans in store, and still does. My prayer has always been, "Not my will, Lord, but Yours. If something I want to do does not give You glory, then I will go a different way." He has big plans in store for me and for my music. If not this, something else. Of that, I am certain. 

By way of encouragement to you all: He NEVER gives gifts without a purpose. We are all given means to minister. Sometimes, an occasion, like Voice of An Angel, will seem to be The Fruition of our gifts, The Moment we have been waiting for. Sometimes, like Voice of An Angel, it is not the right time after all. And that's ok. Because That Fruition, That Moment will come someday. And boy, will I be ready!!! So don't be discouraged if you haven't discovered the way your gift will be best used either. There is a plan and a purpose. There is a deep meaning to all things that occur in life. 

The time will come. 

I have written a new song, which makes me so happy. The title comes from a homily that our bishop recently preached. He used the phrase "Made for more," which really hit home for me and resonated in my spirit. We are made for so much more than this feeble earth can offer. We are meant to experience more, to love more, to be loved more, to see truth more, to BE MORE. It's a clarion call to reach higher, dig deeper, and try harder. We have received the mantle of holiness from Jesus. Let's be worthy of our mission, and do all we can each day for His greater glory. More to come in update on that song. It is only in the inception stage. I have the lyrics done and a melody in mind. SO EXCITING!!!

 

Ministry

I am continuing on in my beautiful work with the teens at my church. God has been so faithful in allowing that ministry to grow and flower, and they keep coming! What an awesome opportunity, to lead music for the greatest occasion of fellowship and reception of grace that we as followers of Christ have: the Mass. It is a responsibility I do not take lightly. I do my best to bring unity to the liturgy, trying to match themes in the readings from scripture with songs that illuminate them. It is a great honor. 

I also had another tremendous opportunity that came about in light of my dismissal from Voice of An Angel. I was asked to lead the music for a women's retreat at a local Catholic high school. The theme was "Women of Faith, Women of Action." More than 350 women attended, and were blessed by talks by Helen Alvaré, Father Miguel Gonzales, and my own mother, Cristina Martinez. I was honored to play one of my own songs, Transfigure. This song in particular always hits home for me, especially now during the time of Lent. We are called to perfection, but cannot alone achieve this goal. Only with His grace can we be transformed into sons and daughters of God.

This is a great segue into some more exciting music news! In preparation for the conference, I came to the decision that I needed to record updated versions of old favorite songs, as well as some new songs. I just purchased a fantastic Kawai digital piano, and decided to self-produce a new CD for the conference. It was a week-long project that involved the house work piling around me and my husband taking over watching Matthew during the night, but in the end it was worth it to have a CD that I can be proud of. This CD includes my favorite songs, Fiat, Transfigure, Let Me Live (which is my prolife song), The Present Moment, and others. Anyone interested in either hearing the songs or purchasing a CD can visit my music site. 

Motherhood

At last we come to the main focus of my existence: Matthew Elliot Frei.

What a joy he is, and what a daily challenge. I spoke of perfection earlier, and how we cannot alone reach it. Well, let me tell you, Matthew has been given me by God as a quick route to said perfection... if I survive! He is such an energetic, curious, strong, and powerful little man (if such a word can appropriately capture his baby strength). He is definitely my child, with his stubbornness and will to achieve. His laughter is the music of my day, his smile the charm of my heart, and his good is my desire. I delight in caring for him and for Jonathan too. 

Matthew has surpassed the point that Jonathan refers to as "Longer Out Than In." Yes, you guessed right: Matthew has now been longer in the world outside of Mommy than inside. He is 9.5 months, a whopping 25lbs of joy and exuberance, is crawling big-boy style, and every day presents me with greater opportunities to wonder at God's providence. Every day, I become more a mom. Every day, I feel more confident and beautiful in this state of life. I'm grateful, so grateful for my son and all that he has taught me already in his young life.

Enough for a first post. Tomorrow, I will share some of my Lenten meditations, especially on a word that has resonated for me of late: immediately.

Stay tuned. I love you, even if I haven't met you. I pray for you, and ask that God shower you with rich mercy in this wonderful time of purification. Know you are called by name. Know you are blessed. And live with that in mind. You are not alone.